I was going through my old scrapbook pages the other day and I came across this one that I did three years ago for a challenge to do "raw" journaling. I felt compelled to share it here. I hope the journaling might be a help to someone so even though it was a difficult layout for me to do and actually a little difficult to share I still have the feeling that I should...so here is the journaling:
There are generally reasons for the way people act. Everyone has a story. Everyone has a background. If we will just come to accept and love people in spite of the outer layer they show, we will have peace ourselves. My story, my background doesn't start simply with me...there are other stories, other backgrounds that put mine in motion. I was raised by my stepmom. So many negative images with that word that I hate to use it. In my heart she was my mom. My birth mother was not a part of my life after my dad and her were divorced. Drugs and alcohol were her priority. I remember scenes, from my early childhood I would rather forget. It might be easy to be bitter, but I am not. I understand that some choices she made at a very young age, when reasoning is not clear, affected her decision making process later on. She had a tough life. I am sorry she did not experience the joys of motherhood she could have. As I mentioned earlier, in my heart my stepmom was just my mom. That doesn't mean thing were always pleasant for us. There is a story there, too. There were often times I didn't feel a whole lot of love from her. There were ugly moments of fighting and conflict and not just your ordinary mother/daughter stuff. Before her and my dad married, her youngest son committed suicide. That leaves huge scars. She loved me. She did. She saw in me the same kind of personality that was in her son. This scared her. She couldn't stand the loss of another child. She felt she needed to make me tough to withstand the emotional rigors of a sometimes cruel world. I didn't know it at the time, but she later explained that she would do things that would cause me pain on purpose in order to get me to fight back. She would provoke the anger in me so I would learn how to confront life and not give up. It was not the way I would ever raise a child, but I understand. I understand her story. I understand the background. I understand now that she loved me. Everyone has a story. Everyone has a background.
HUGS, Cheryl
Oh my dear Cheryl,I´m so agree with you my friend.All of us has a story behind us and it isn´t full of flowers.Thanks fo sharing this with us!
ReplyDeleteI don't know what to say. Is it enough when I tell you that your story touched my heart?
ReplyDeleteAnd look where you are now...a wonderful woman,wife, mother, mother in law and grandmother. You can be proud of yourself...
Hugs!
X
What a heart felt story.. You seem so happy, I would have never thought You went through all that. But you are right we do all have a story.. Thanks for sharing yours..
ReplyDeleteHugs, Linda
I dont know what to say... but your story touches me...You seem so happy and I would have never thought ... what you went through... But its true what you said... we all have a story...Thank you for sharing your story... and to me what matters is YOU and your family today... thinking of you...hugs...xoxo
ReplyDeleteGosh, that is beautiful. What a huge heart you have. To open up and look through clear eyes at your youth and understand so much. And to have the courage and thoughtfulness to share it with us so that we can learn from your experiences. What a wonderful woman you have become ... because of your stories. Thanks for sharing.
ReplyDeleteCheryl, loved reading your words and completely agree that everyone has a story and we don't always know the full details of their lives. Wow! Was just discussing this today with Simon. I am glad your stepmom literally stepped in to take over. It sounds like she really did love you and wanted to do right. We can't always understand our loved ones actions all the time. Thx for sharing this! :-) Amy
ReplyDeleteThanks for sharing this, Cheryl! I think this is priceless. As you know, I am passionate about scrapbook journaling and this is a perfect example of why. This is something that has such meaning to you and your family and probably has helped someone very much who may have just read it here on your blog. You're awesome!
ReplyDeleteI am so glad you shared your story and went out on the proverbial limb and trusted your blog friends with your story! We do all have things that have made us who we are. I love what you said about just accepting people the way they are. I struggle every day with acceptance. It is usually necessary to be a tree that bends with the wind. Sending you hugs and want you to know that you are such a wonderful friend to so many people!
ReplyDeleteThis made me cry ... for you for me ... for times gone by and for the present struggle ... Thank you for sharing this ... you are right everyone does have a story and it isn't always pretty with roses around the door ... and sometimes it takes a lot of heartache to really understand universal love and strive for better ... Bless you my friend ... xxx
ReplyDeleteWow, Cheryl! Wow! What an amazing page! SO beautiful, and so emotional and meaningful, too. Although I'm sure this was very tough to create and to write out all that journaling, and even tougher to decide to share it with us, I'm so glad that you did. You are a truly beautiful person, Cheryl! You teach valuable lessons to all of us. :)
ReplyDeleteOh my Cheryl, this is so beautiful and raw indeed.
ReplyDeleteThank you for sharing this with us, you must be one STRONG lady!!
Thank you for sharing your beautiful and emotional page! And thanks for the reminder that everyone has a story that contributes to the way they connect with people and to try to understand that, helps us to love deeper!
ReplyDeleteAwww Cheryl...Your story brough tears to my eyes...so touching and so true...I too was raised by my stepmom....I had some tryig times but later on in my life we became very close! :-) Thanks so much for sharing :-)Your right, Everyone has a story .......:-)
ReplyDeleteCheryl...thanks for sharing...your layout and journaling are truly magnificent and wonderfully heartfelt....
ReplyDeleteI remember well the first time I came upon this page of yours. It touched me deeply then and did again today on rereading. So powerful. It made me feel sad but also so proud of you for coming out of that background so strong and sweet and kind. It's a wonderful testiment to the woman and mom you are. Big hugs to you. It's a beautiful page.
ReplyDeleteThank you for sharing your story. It is a very thought provoking post and made me think about my childhood. My dad died when i was young and my mum spend a lot of the time in the pub. So my step father looked after us. I used to think i had a really bad childhood but then realised its was my perception that made me think that way. I believe i was given many challenges to deal with, which was all for a reason and I believe my mum and my stepdad did the best that they could do with the knowledge they had. They both have a sad story so I know life was difficult for them to. My mums mother died when she was five and she despised her step mother so found it difficult to show her emotions unless drunk. She had a cot death a year before i was born and my dad died on an operating table. My step father spent his childhood in hospital only seeing his parents once a fortnight. He then met my mum and was given the challenge of looking after three children. Not an easy task. But all these challenges prepared me to be a mum to my boys. And I am proud of my boys who have no problem expressing their emotions in front of me or talking to me about anything and everything(too much information at times. They even make me blush) Lol
ReplyDeleteI am really pleased to have come across this post today as you have inspired me to do some writing, either on my blog or on a scrapbook page. So a big thank you to you for sharing your thoughts and emotions. Hugs to you.
Julie
P.s I actually came on your blog to thank you for taking the time to visit my blog and for leaving me a message. Well appreciated.
It made my day.
I love, love this one Cheryl! Thanks for charing your story.
ReplyDeleteAngèle
What a wonderful story. I totally agree with you about the moral to the story. Many people have reasons for being who they are. You have become a beautiful person with a FABULOUS family. That speaks a lot about you. :)
ReplyDeleteHugs~
Hi Cheryl, I read this touching story while I was in San Francisco, wrote a very long comment and tried a few times but just can't get through (I hate connection at the hotel room), anyway, wanted to tell you that your story touches me, and I can tell you are a sweet, loving soul with a big heart! Thanks for sharing!!!
ReplyDeleteI love that you shared this - such an awesome lo and so true! I totally get this, we all have stories and reasons we are the way we are. We also choose how we react - there are many thing I grew up with that I made sure I changed when I had kids!
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